


Don't Touch Me But Don't Leave Me

by Karinakamichi



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, M/M, Parental Roy Mustang, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Ling Yao, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Blame, Self-Harm, Some choices ed makes may seem ridiculous but I'm basing them on personal experience, Trauma, author regrets everything, not my ass starting another story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29457570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karinakamichi/pseuds/Karinakamichi
Summary: Edward was sure he was supposed to be stronger that that. He was trained in hand to hand combat but couldn't even defend himself against a guy who wanted to get into his pants. Talk about pathetic. But he only had himself to blame, he was sure of it.OR: In which Ling and Lan Fan find Ed after he's went through something traumatizing, but the damage has already been done.While Ling wonders if things will get better, he's determined to stick by Ed's side no matter what.Slow build EdLing. Rape recovery. Self-harm. TAKES PLACE AFTER MAIN STORY OF BROTHERHOOD
Relationships: Edward Elric/Ling Yao, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Don't Touch Me But Don't Leave Me

**_Story: Don’t Touch Me But Don’t Leave Me_ **

**_A/N: This first chapter has a really rough ass and likely badly written beginning, because I didn’t want to be too descriptive, due to how triggering the scene would be for me to write. I hope y’all will forgive me. This subject is very personal to me, so I intend to handle it with as much care as possible but the story is mainly about recovery so I feel it's fine. There will be other triggering themes like self-harm too and possible eating problems, so watch out for that. Anyway…_ **

**_As for the shit title it describes exactly how this experience can be. As a victim (of very different circumstances but still rape) I can’t tell you how much I personally want company and companionship, even the prospect of a relationship, but it still terrifies the hell out of me at the same time, and I even have nightmares to this day, so I wanted to express that._ **

...

In the past, Edward had considered Alchemy an all powerful means to get out of tight situations, and in many cases it was true. If he found himself feeling cornered he could usually transmute the walls or ground beneath him to put distance between him and his enemies, at least enough to escape, exceptions being ones like Scar.

But now, after giving up his alchemy, it just wasn’t that easy anymore.

Actually scratch that, it ironically wasn't even the matter of not having alchemy. Because when some drunkard pulled him into an alley way, and began flirting with him, before it reached the inevitable, his body just froze. He didn't know how to react. Not to a situation like this. 

He was trained in hand to hand combat but couldn't even defend himself against a guy who wanted to get into his pants.

Talk about pathetic.

He could barely register the voice or hands of the man pinning him to the ground by his wrists. He could barely see or process anything other than hands exploring his body or eventually the pain searing through his spine as he was being penetrated, even other minor things like the hard surface of the cement, the cold air or the disgusting scent of whiskey coming from the man above him. 

He had never been one to cry or shed tears much, but he couldn’t stop the muffled screams of pain coming from his lungs. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to fight, His body was too weak to do anything, and he hated it. He hated being this vulnerable. 

But this was his fault, right? His teacher had taught him how to defend himself even without alchemy, and he still screwed it up. This was his mistake and he had nobody but himself to blame, not even the person on top of him right now, who was clearly too drunk to realize what he was doing.  
  
At least that’s what the boy told himself to rationalize what was happening to him.

That’s when there was a voice, one he recognized all too well:

“Ed, is that you?! Get off of him!”

_Ling!_

As the drunkard was knocked off of him, Edward felt his panic set in, feeling shame at being seen in such a helpless state, and immediately he looked away upon seeing Ling and Lan Fan standing there.

“Who’re you two?” The drunkard got up and began to pick a fight with Ling. Of course, this time it was Lan Fan who attacked him in response.

It didn’t even take a minute before the man was knocked unconscious and Ling turned his attention back to what really mattered right now: Edward.

Slowly, he approached him, before kneeling down beside him, and reaching out a hand towards his shoulder. “...Ed, can you stand...?”

“Get away from me! I don’t need your pity! I’ll be just fine on my own.” Edward weakly slapped away Ling’s hand, but right as he got up and pulled up his pants, he started to fall, only to be caught by Ling. 

“Damn it…” Edward choked out, unable to stop the tears from falling. He didn't know if it was the sheer humiliation he was feeling right now, or the pain of his spinal cord causing it, but he hated it.

“Nobody said anything about pitying you, and I promise you that’s the last of my intentions. But I’m not going to just leave you here.” Ling said.

“Then I’ll go to my hotel room, happy!?” Edward glared at him. 

“Not quite. What do you want to do about that guy over there? If you want me to kill him, just say the word and I will.” Ling told him in all seriousness, fully ready to murder the man if that was what Ed wanted.

“No, just leave him.” Ed muttered, shocking both Ling and Lan Fan.

“After what he just did to you?! You can’t be serious!” Ling exclaimed.

“ _Please_ …” Edward practically pled, causing Ling’s heart to break. 

After being violated in such a manner, how could Ed just let the guy go or ask for such a thing?! Ling clenched his fists in frustration, feeling sick to his stomach, but seeing the tired and emotional look on his friend’s face, he knew it was best not to question him.

“Fine…” He finally gave in, his voice cracking. “Then can I at least walk with you? Please, Ed... At least let me do that much...”

He almost expected Ed to say no or to say nothing, but after a long moment, Ed gave him a response he couldn’t be more relieved to hear:

“...Do whatever you want...” 

Lan Fan wordlessly followed behind, but was no less frustrated about the situation than Ling was. 

…

Later, Ling helped Ed get situated on his hotel bed, and sat down beside him. Lan Fan decided to stay out of the room for the time being.

After a long moment of silence, the boy looked away. “I’m sorry… I should have got there sooner…”

“No, there’s no reason for you to feel sorry. This isn’t your fault.” Ed muttered, before clutching the skin on his arm. “I’m the idiot who couldn't defend himself...”

“Ed...” Ling started to reach out towards him, but pulled back his hand when he tensed up defensively. After everything that had happened, he couldn’t blame him for being against physical contact, and now that the drug had seemed to have worn off more, the blonde was on high alert. Despite that he still continued with what he wanted to say. “You can’t blame yourself for what that man did to you.”

“Yeah, easy for you to say. My teacher taught me to be stronger than that… He caught me off guard and now I…” Edward covered his face with his hands. “I feel disgusting, Ling. I can still _feel him inside of me._ It’s all my fault… All my fault...” 

Over and over again, through choked sobs, Ed continued to blame himself, much to Ling’s frustration. 

He wanted to say something, _anything_ to take away his pain, to once again tell him he wasn’t at fault, but he knew that Ed would likely just end up snapping at him again, so all he could say was:

“I’m sorry, Ed...”

…

**_A/N: First and foremost due to this being EdLing the timeline may seem wacky, but this takes place after the main storyline of Brotherhood, Ling is emperor at this point but he’s come back to Amestris for nogations between Xing and Amestris and stuff like that. It won’t be a HUGE plot focus, but there will be stuff mentioned here and there most likely. Also, I should probably let y’all know that some stuff and future elements in this is based off personal experiences. I wanted to write EdLing cuz it’s a comfort ship of mine and I’m in a really low mood right now, but I will also try to make this as realistic as possible considering Ed’s trauma in this story, and my own experiences with this sort of thing. Roy, Riza, and Al will come in eventually too._ **

  
  



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